"Live with no excuses & Love with no regrets": Whirlwind of Emotions

Everything within a week, hard to digest but yea.

"I feel like I've lost most of my close friends/ the people that matter to me in my life. Hard to explain how it happened, partially its me & the other part would be distance i guess? Being 9030 miles away (SG to Liverpool) does not make me feel any better.

The main problem lies with me I think. It's me & my screwed up mentality that I kind of drove the people that I really care about away? And I'm really feeling alone right now. "

Jotted down my feelings whilst I was feeling upset yesterday, texted a really close friend & said skype me now & she did. We had a good 5 hour long conversation & it felt so good to have someone, just being a listening ear, right at the moment when you needed it, when you're feeling like crap. It was really really nice. Sweet. I'd want to be that friend for others as well, Thanks Bri <3

And, whatsapped Ray & Faruq about all that's happening, it all just flowed out. Kind of nice to know that I've the best of friends who'd never judge me, I don't know how do they do that but they simply just do it. Which is like something I can't comprehend, they are there.
Saw this on Twitter, so much truth. Aw.
F.R.I.E.N.D.S : Fight for you. Respect you. Include you. Encourage you. Need you. Deserve you. Stand by you.

Hm, for now I'm just kind of pausing my world. I'm not moving away, moving on nor moving around. Just want to live in this moment, for me. Nothing really matters in that sense. I am overpowered with this overwhelming desire to be powerful by myself, independent & strong. I need to stop needing people/guys in my life. It's just that I need to grow as a person, about time. Need to spend time reflecting & stuff. Uncertainty but yea, at least I know what I'm doing. I feel messed up at times but it's a passing phase & I know that I'm not messing up because I'm just living it up & it sure does feel awesome. It's not that I don't take things so seriously now but honestly, hate to say this, not using the *Y word here cause I hate it its more of:

"Live each day as if it were your last & make the best out of it, its good to have boundaries & restrictions for yourself but don't be too harsh on yourself, because at the end of the day or your life, does it matter more to have upheld the longest list of rules you've set for yourself or creating a good image of yourself or does happiness matter more. Sounds a little screwed up but I just feel that most of my life I've been living for the ones around me, friends, boyfriend, family & whosoever when it should really be me living for myself, doing things that make me happy. I'm not saying that you should go out & mess up your life, do stupid stuff & regret later. All I'm trying to say is, be sensible but yet, go with your heart. I'm more of a think with my heart than head, anyway I don't think regret would set in for me, because yes sure I'd look back & see the mistakes I've made but isn't it a part of life? That's when you learn, grow from it, fall, pick yourself up & start over. It is what this is all about. bottomline, be happy. That's what I really want to see from everyone around me because I love everyone around me & that's what I wanna see for the people I love. Of course, I hope that's what you guys hope for me too :)

Sure, I'd miss him. Sure, 10 years later I may look back & regret giving this relationship up. Because I know it is one of the greatest things that has happened to me but it takes a lot more to walk away than you think it does. But as I've mentioned, i just want to live for me, what a selfish bitch but yea. I know what it takes & its difficult but I've made my choice & I think it may be better for the both of us, considering the distance & yea the 99% of people were right about Ldr(s), I just can't. I tried, he tried harder but it didn't work out. Majority of it would be my fault, I'm not about to name it on my blog but if you'd ask I would be honest to tell you. Anyhow, he has been one of the treasures in my life & a part of me is still extremely thankful that it happened in my life. This chapter is closed, I wish for the best for him, I may cringe at the thought of him moving on but I know its best for us, i really do. And I would appreciate if friends around me stop going, its such a pity, so many years because you don't measure things that way. Try to look at it from a bigger perspective & most importantly, respect whatever decision I made? I'm trying to clear my head & sort things out, so yeah your support (plural) would be appreciated. Thanks guys.